Choosing Joy
Brandon recently asked me a question that made me pause, an especially insightful question that I have been pondering:
“What in this room brings you joy?”
And I’m supposed to be the psychologist.
It may sound like we were having a sweet conversation, perhaps reconnecting over a glass of wine after a long week, Harrison sleeping soundly in his nursery. But the reality was a bit different.
Spoiler alert. Being new parents is hard. It can often feel like there is less - less time, less energy, less money. Less.
One way I have coped with the challenges of being a new mom, with feeling overwhelmed and often inadequate, is by retreating into something that makes me feel happy and relaxed: travel. In my limited spare time, I have planned imaginary trips, researched travel deals, and relentlessly considered what our next destination should be. When I step back and observe that behavior, it is easy to see how this focus could be perceived as a desire to escape, an urge to be anywhere but home.
So back to the question. One evening, we were sitting on the couch as we often do, me sharing some crazy scheme to affordably go somewhere exotic while Brandon contentedly played with our son, the TV on in the background. In that moment, I was so clearly absorbed in dreaming that I was not connecting with my family. In frustration, Brandon asked me what else made me happy.
“What in this room brings you joy?”
I wish I could say I was immediately responsive to this, putting down my phone and engaging with my family. I rattled off some trite, if true, answers (although I am fairly certain was husband was not on the list in that moment) and returned to imaginary adventures.
But the question remained. It has stayed with me and convicted me. The truth is there is abundant joy in my life. Being a mom may at times feel like less, but it also brings more - more love, more laughter, more amazement. And certainly more caffeine. My marriage brings me joy. Despite the challenges, I think we have weathered the first half year of being parents remarkably well. My faith, my friends, and my family all bring immense joy to my life. There are the small successes at work and the much less frequent large ones. I have a sweet dog and get to enjoy a rare sunshiny winter day in Oregon from time to time. Not all of these things are easy, but they are just a few of the abundant places where I can find genuine joy in my life.
If I were to never to go anywhere again (well, except Arkansas, of course) I would have a beautiful, wonderful, complete life. I think I lost sight of that for a second, but with a single question Brandon helped me remember.
Does this mean I’m going to stop thinking about, writing about, and planning travel? No. I’m still going to travel as far and as often as I can (but see the part about less money). However, I am also going to be intentional about being in the present and looking at the many, oh so many, good things around me. I am going to choose to find the joy in my everyday.
